Future Care Conversations: Deepening Understanding and Support – Part II

As we set out in our first article on this subject, starting discussions with your loved ones about future care arrangements can lead to some stressful and emotional situations. The discussions however are very important and should be dealt with as soon as practically possible. Here at Caremark Cheltenham and Gloucester, we believe its best to do your homework first before you jump in! In this second article we share some more handy tips on how to tackle these discussions.

Communicating effectively about future care arrangements

As we have said previously, these conversations will never be easy to start, however, you can be canny and bring up the subject by using ‘conversation starters’. There are various ways of doing this. Such as opening the discussion by mentioning something you may have either read recently or seen on a television program.   

Starting a conversation with “You need to ……” or “This is what you must do …..” will put your loved one on the defensive. For example, they may see it as they are being told what to do. 

Future care conversation starters

Starting off by saying “I’m concerned about……” or “Can I help you with……” or “What do you think about this idea….” is a much softer, nicer and more caring approach. 

These are not one-way conversations. Remember to ask for their ideas and input as well about their future care. If you want to know what they think and whether they feel they are coping. Or if in the long term, they have thought about whether they may need some help and support, using specific question starters might be helpful. “Is there anything that is worrying you?” or “Shall we go through the post together?” or “How do you feel about having a bit of help around the house during the week?” are great question starters.

Listen, reflect and validate on what they are saving about their future care. Active listening is great way of doing this. It means that you pay attention as they are talking to you. This then allows you to rephrase what you have heard and check back to show you have understood what you were being told. Remember to focus on listening with an open mind. Change is hard for everyone irrespective of the circumstances. The unknown causes fear and distrust for the best of us.  It’s perfectly normal to want to avoid change. So tell your loved ones that you understand how they are feeling. Also, that you want to help make any change easier for them. Sometimes we just need acknowledgement that this situation is hard to deal with.

Include key people in the conversation about future care

Sometimes, having the right people at the table can make all the difference! 

This person could be a trusted family member, a family friend or even someone they have listened to or had dealings with in the past. For example, a lawyer, a doctor, faith or community leader.

But, most important, approach these conversations with patience and realistic expectations. Rome wasn’t built in a day. It may take several conversations before you all come to a mutual agreement and are able to make any important decisions.

Always be open to solutions you hadn’t thought of and make it as easy as possible for those you care for.  

An example and true story of the benefits of talking about future care

When Dad died, Mum stopped looking after herself properly. She was a proud woman, she had never asked for help.  She didn’t need help. My sister and I were concerned. So we had a word with one of dad’s oldest friends, Jim, at church and sought his advice. In a subsequent conversation with Mum a few weeks later, we learned that ‘Amanda’ was coming each week to her house. It transpired that Jim had spoken to Mum. He had told her how he was having help in each week after his wife Anthea had died. I asked mum what Amanda was doing. Well, nothing, she said, she was coming in for a chat!

About Caremark Cheltenham and Gloucester

We hope you enjoy reading this article. We want to ensure your family and friends are given the right and most appropriate care and support as possible. This is something that we at Caremark Cheltenham and Gloucester hold extremely close to our hearts.

If you would like to read and learn more, read our first article here.